I recovered from Bulimia, and anyone can, too
My name is Sara. I wrote on this blog about a year and a half ago, when I was so desperate to get rid of my disorder that I didn't know what else to do. I had bulimia for about three years, since I was fourteen. Food had never been a problem before, but suddenly, I was struggling with anorexia and after that, bulimia. I spend months in total misery, at the mercy of food. FOOD! Inanimate, soulless food had complete control over me. I thought about it day and night, and sometimes went to bed until four in the morning after hours of binge and purge attacks. I thought I was going to live my life like this, and die with bulimia....
Until one day, I finally told my mom. I had moved to another country, and I was scared beyond belief: having to make a new life in a new place, while dealing with a horrible disorder. I surrendered. Crying my brains out, I asked for help. I realized that I couldn't solve my problems all on my own. I thought I was weak for asking for help, but I had no choice.
I went into treatment. They diagnosed my with Major Depressing Disorder and bulimia nerviosa (which, of course, I already knew about), so they sent me to Center for Discovery, an in-patient treatment facility.
At first, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe I was going to live in a place where they check your activities 24/7, where I had to share my feelings with other kids with eating disorders, where I couldn't talk to my family or my friends. It was a nightmare, yes, but my life was hell, so I had to give it a shot.
It was a very hard couple of months. I had great days where everything seemed perfect and I was optimistic about treatment. There where others where I just wanted to get out of there and give up, because I was so deep in this mess that I couldn't get out.
But I made it. When I had to leave treatment, I was actually kind of sad. Center for Discovery saved my life. It was a very hard job, but I wanted to get better so, so bad. And by God it was worth it.
I went to another treatment facility, for continuity. I felt so much better. Finally, I had control over my life and my decisions. Food was not a concern anymore, and I started to love and appreciate myself for who I am.
Today, I am proud to say that I've been bulimia-free for more that a year. I never thought this would be possible. Sometimes I still struggle with irrational thoughts, but I am going strong. I enjoy eating! And I love myself! I can't say that life is a hundred percent perfect, because it never is, but I finally realized that it is beautiful, a precious gift, and that we should enjoy it as much as we can. Why get wrapped up with superficial things when there is so much more to life that how people look? I really wish for everyone in this blog and the rest of the world with eating disorders that they find the strength and courage to defeat this disease. It IS possible. Trust me, and trust in yourselves. You are so brave and strong, and you can achieve everything you want. It will be a long way, and you will surely struggle, but when you turn back on that path and see how far you came, you'll think: I am worth it.
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