I never would of stopped.
I started when I was 17, it was my senior year in high school and I wanted to lose weight so I could feel beautiful on prom night. And surely enough I did I worked out every day after school and I would restrict what I ate and then threw up everything. Soon I just would threw up and stopped restricting so much. This went on for about seven years. I felt so empowered thinking I was in control that I had this secret weapon that people everywhere should have. Was I a fool or what. I spent so much money and time throwing up. I was in treatment three different times and the first time I thought okay this is the end of my relationship with my eating disorder. Was I ever wrong . I stopped for about a month or so. Then two months later in another treatment place and then my 19th bday I told my mom I would go in to treatment at one of the best places and I did. But I didn't want the help and didn't want to be free from my disorder. So as soon as I got out I went right back to throwing up. Well a few years later Still living with my so called best friend who was killing me . I met a guy we got engaged and we were talking about having kids. I didn't think I would be able to have children due to everything I put my body threw. Well the summer of 2010 my littler brother passed away and my dad said to me " Your mother cant bury another one of her children she isn't strong enough." the said part is that didn't make me stop. A few weeks later my life changed even more. Me and my fiancé found out that we were going to be parents and The minute I found out I stopped and never did it again. I didn't wanna stop but I did so I could bring a life into this world. And I did. I put on a lot of weight which made it hard since I was pregnant but I stopped. Now its two years later and I haven't done it again . Sometimes I wish I could do it again but I know I cant. I need to be here for my family.I know that my higher power gave me my son knowing that was the only way I would stop being bulimic and it worked for me.
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