I have the desire to stop bulimia, i just need a way.
I have been a bulimia sufferer since I was 14 years old - and i'm 19 now. I'm not sure at all what triggers it, but i think it might have started because of feelings of inadequacy to my perfect-seeming older sister (who, I found out last year, also suffered from bulimia, but for a shorter time period than I did). She went to counseling and recovered that way very well..but I just don't think counseling is the way for me. It might help a little, but i have issues with opening up to strangers about my problems.
I realize what i'm doing, and i hate it. i hate feeling huge and gross after bingeing and purging, and i hate being so obvious about my problem. I've been dating a guy that i really care for, and im terrified that if i tell him (or when he finds out) he'll think i'm disgusting and break up with me, and that's the last thing i want.
I finally feel like i'm in a place where i can recognize my disease, and recover with the right will power, but i cant seem to bring myself to stop rationalizing what i'm doing as "no big deal". Every night, i seem to think "okay, tomorrow i will stop. tomorrow i will be normal again," but then tomorrow comes and i do it all over again.
I want out of this disease, and i want to get better, but i need tips on how to stop on my own. my family knows, some of my friends surely know, and i need to stop before it compromises who i am and what i want to become.
last night my mom and i researched regualr serving sizes for a girl my age to eat every meal, and it made me feel better..like i could handle it. but i binged and purged again today, and i dont know what to do to get myself to stop for even a week.
I need to do this, i want to do this more than anything. all i need is some way.
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