I have had nasty bulimia for 8 years
I suffer from nasty bulimia for 8 years.
It started from summer holiday when I was 16.
I joined into a gym club at that time and accidentally heard a woman there telling that she often throws up after eating to keep the stomach empty and avoid get weight. Listening to her, I knew inside that she was stupid and her vomiting was really ashaming. But my obsession of becoming slender from childhood found it very effective to loose weight quickly. Poor me, the obsession controlled me and made me keep throwing up after meals.
After months of purging, I lost about 5 kg and became slender as I dreamed. However, urge for food appeared and I started binge food.
My bulimia began from that time. It happened like binging food, purging, exercising, binging food and purging.
I was so ashamed every time sneakily throwing out in toilet, in the noise from the water plug to hide from my family the vomitting noise.
I have been doing it, binging food and purging for 8 years. But luckily, my bulimia is not too serious. I maximum throwed up 3 times a day, but often 2~5 times per week, after binging dinner.
However, as you know, binging and purging are always horrendous. I feel myself like a mad that eat, eat and eat all days. I could not think of anything else but food and purging. And I also excessively exercise to lose weight.
The nausea of dip my head to toilet and try to throw out, nausea of stinking food out of your mouth, burning throat, dirty slimy fingers make me like a horrible animal. I even used to vommit to dipper, pot, bottle when I could not go to toilet due to my mother suspicion. I also used to vommit in the dark for the power failure. My bulimia is a disaster. It makes me lose mind, lose friend, buries my life for 8 year in toilet and darkness.
The most ridiculous is that bulimia is known as a disease of developed country, when food is overabundant but happens to me, a poor person from an underdeveloped country. Therefore, I used to run out of money, even being in dept because of throwing money to food. How much I am shameful to God, my poor mother who is always saving.
I feel disgusted and swear to myself hundreds of times to end it. Bulimia is not only disgusting, like the hell prison that I seem to be unable to escape for years, for the rest of my life but has been destroying my silver, kidney, skin and memory.
I am hatred of toilet, vomitting and being isolated from the world. I want to live heathfully, enjoy life, have boyfriend and get married.
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