I have bulimia
I am studying to be a psychiatrist. I use food and exercise and sometimes laxatives and vomiting to cope with negative emotions. I live in shame some, most, days. I treat people who are ill yet have this secret. This has always stemmed from loneliness and a fear of a lack of control. I use methods accepted by society, such as running marathons, to stay thin when I binge. I get attention when I am thin. People poke and prod at me. It feeds into the disease because I don't feel lonely then. But I look ill. when I am happy it all naturally falls into place but its my natural coping skill when Im sad or bored or tired or guilty or overwhelmed. I recently fell in true love. he is being deployed for hopefully the last time, a surprise deployment. So I binged and feel gross this morning. I am ready to truly live life without fear of food. I am ready to use this program. Today I will enjoy a walk in the rain with my dog and draw and study for an exam. I will feel the rain on my face. I will feed myself and stop when full. I will treat my patients knowing I am good enough as I am. I can do this. We all can.
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