Your bulimia recovery
Tap here to read more about the bulimia recovery program

My online program and private recovery community has helped hundreds of women beat bulimia.
Click here to learn more

Beat bulimia using my online recovery program and private community. Hundreds of women who were just like you have done the same!

Click here to learn more Member Login

I have an amazing friend who wants to and has helped with my bulimia... But, I feel guilty

by Hayley
(united kingdom)

Dear Shaye,

I have been searching on the internet for ages with regards to bulimia and have yet to find a site which has truly had an affect... I was lucky enough to come across yours tonight! Wow, it's brilliant! I haven't felt so connected with people for so long! You've shown me that you can achieve it - even if u have had it for years! Def a kick that I need as I've hit an all time low.

Basically it will be 6 years I've suffered from bulimia this year and have been trying and relapsing for as long as I can remember, I live on my own due to family problems and abuse and have had a change of career and wish to go into nursing...

It is my manager who has now left but is still within the same work area who I consider my best friend. Even though shes never been through an eating disorder she seems to understand and she can control it for me. It's very odd because I find I can't control it?

For example... She is the only one who can stop me mid binge or stop my reflux of food which I do.

She has always said I can open up and she will always be there to help. I know love and support plays a huge role in ones bulimia recovery however, I just can't accept it and I don't understand why... I just feel so guilty about everything!

My mind plays tricks and i read some messages I'm sent the wrong way and my head tells me she doesn't care yet I know deep down she does...

She's gone out her way to help me yet my head chooses to go against it. I've found myself trying to distance from her as I don't want to bother or upset her anymore - As I tried something very stupid last week after my house rent bounced and other bad problems and tried to attempt to kill myself yet I couldn't go thru wit it and I don't know why? I just don't see an escape?

Everyone hates me and I've now driven her away and can't let her in, i panic and worry and I get upset because I then don't talk to her... It's like a viscious cycle like my eating disorder.

I also think people think I'm lying because when in the company of others I put on a brave face and am generally happy... But, on my own I just sit and sob until early hours of the morning and just binge loads.

I see bulimia as my friend as it's the only one who hasn't left or lied to me. But, in reality I know this isnt true.

How do I let her in and accept her help and make the paranoia and anxiety go away? Will I get ther do you think?

I'm so scared especially as its the second time I've attempted to take my life and then stopped. What do I do? I have no medical help and find it hard to talk openly so I prefer to write to express how I'm really feeling.

What would u do?

Have u ever been like this with someone? Do they truly want to help?

I'm scared I will have no one in my life who accepts me like she has and when shes gone that will be it again! This probably sounds stupid sorry!

lots love hayley x x x x x

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.

 

 

Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program