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I hate the lies bulimia makes me tell

by Carrie

I don't really know where to begin. I haven't started the "road to recovery" I know I need to but keep making excuses. I have a son - people will take him away from me. I work full time - I can't get time off to go to the dr and counseling sessions. I have a boyfriend - he will leave me for being "weird"

I started with bulimia about 11 years ago and it's been on and off. Sometimes stopping for a couple of years. Now it's worse than ever. I restrict what I eat some days. Other days I eat until my stomach hurts and then bring it all back up. My eyes hurt from the strain and I am starting to develop bulimic teeth. I have awful gum disease and am so ashamed of it.

I contacted a charity called B-eat and my boyfriend saw an email from them. He commented and I told him that I don't have an ED, he sees me eat all the time. He believes it and I hate that this stupid thing makes me lie.

My bulimia is at the worst it has ever been. I am being sick sometimes 5 times a day and other days hardly eating. I don't count calories or exercise so this is the thing that stops me from getting help, obviously someone with a proper eating disorder would do this??

I am going to see my dentist in 4 weeks about my teeth and I am terrified he will know what is going on.

I'm sorry this isn't a very positive bulimia story but I'm trying to show that maybe sometimes we know we have a problem, we know we need help but it's just so hard to do. Even when you aren't in denial and are 100% aware of what you are doing wrong, it still doesn't mean that you can get over it as easily as people think you should be able to.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program