Your bulimia recovery
Tap here to read more about the bulimia recovery program

My online program and private recovery community has helped hundreds of women beat bulimia.
Click here to learn more

Beat bulimia using my online recovery program and private community. Hundreds of women who were just like you have done the same!

Click here to learn more Member Login

I hate purging but I can't stop it

by eve

I guess I need help.

I really hate sticking my fingers down my throat and trying to vomit. I totally hate that feeling. And when I binge, I KNOW I will definitely regret after that but I continue to binge, thinking that EVERYTHING will get puked out after that.

So when i started puking and when I can't seem to puke out everything, I get all panicky and worried. And then I will tell myself 'Okay this is the last time you are doing this. LAST TIME.' You might have guessed it, this self-talk never works. The 'last time' is always postponed to tomorrow and the day after.

And the worse thing is, even though I'm not hungry, I still binge. I will find all the unhealthy food in the house and eat them because I ALWAYS think that they will get puked out but I don't think it's even possible to puke out all 100% of the food :( and then when I cannot seem to puke them out, I get worried and start to feel loser-ish.

You know what is my number one wish? To be bulimia-free, for life. My longest record of not purging was 2 weeks and I can't seem to go any further than that.

I really can't stand it anymore.. I'm crying. I feel so weak. I feel like a loser. Why did bulimia even exist.. I hate to binge even when I'm not hungry. Sigh.

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.



Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program