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I gave up

I am 47 years old and have been bulimic for 34 years. I had been a fat kid and went to WW camp where I lost X lbs. Upon returning I read Jane Fonda's book and discoverd throwing up as a means to maintain weight. Somehow it took over. I "fessed" up as a teen and was put in therapy but really did not want to stop. Told my distraught guilt ridden parents I was better and we all went on. I sought help in college and after my son was born. My binge eating has gotten better but my purging has not. The moment I feel I have over eaten I purge most times. I have been treated for depression and anxiety never telling the therapist I was bulimic becasue when I did that was all we talked about and there were a lot of other issues I wanted to talk about. That stems from a therapist who was treating me and used to weigh me every week and have me picture my ideal weight. The idiot really thought that was a good plan for a normal weighted bulimic patient. We started every session with me lying about what I ate and him weighing me and asking why I had not lost weight. Another time I was scared and reached out to an organization that was offering free counciling for bulimic patients. I called and they told me I was not bad off enough to call back if I started binging more times a week. I did a lot of work on myself but I pretty much gave up on the bulimia and it was not until I saw this site that I relaized a lot of the physical things I feel are directly linked to the bulimia. Also I never understood quite so much the connection between alchohol and bulimia. I told a few people a long time ago but could not stand the scrutiny or the disapointment. I know I am weak and I am ashamed. I cannot afford therapy right now and I am afraid to tell my doctor incase whatever is wrong will not be covered due to contibutory negligence. I am not really asking a question and I am sorry to dump here but this is the most honest I have been with myself maybe ever.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program