I finally feel loved enough to want to live.
I have been Bulimic for 18 years now. I have struggled with self worth, body image issues, fear, and sadness. I think I am at my worst when life is really good, or really bad. I try to stay somewhere in the middle, so I don't feel too much. I was married for 15 years. Right now I am going through a divorce. That makes things pretty bad. I met someone who has brought so much love into my life, which also triggers a lot of emotion. I feel like everything around me, makes me want to destroy myself. If I am sad, I have trouble dealing with it, and when I am happy, I wonder if It was really meant for me. So when I am alone, I shut down and escape all of my feelings. The funny thing is that the happy part stays with me. It never has before. I see a future for me, and I am scared I am going to take it all away by giving in to Bulimia. Sometimes I think I feel the physical harm I am doing. That is why I came to this site. I really hope I can find a way to stop. I am a 37 year old Mom of three kids. I feel like I don't have control over this, but yet it is up to me to stop doing this.
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