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I dont know what to do

by Daisy

I dont know what to do. I just feel so sad and empty and alone. I just want food all the time and it doesnt matter what it is ill eat it. But then I always throw it up. Its getting worse. before I would throw up only once a week. Now its three times a day.

I dont know how to tell someone. My older sister had bulimia and is getting help. She is so brave and I love her so much. But everyone thinks i am okay, even though I have lost so much weight. Sometimes I dont realise how thin I am until I see a full mirror and it scares me and then I just want to hide so no one can see me. I want to gain some weight so I overeat but then I get scared and just throw it up again! I'm so confused and scared.

I feel so lonely. I was fine when I lived with my mum 3 years ago. Im 17 now and she moved so I had to live with my dad. I miss her so much. I love my dad but he is sometimes hard to live with. He has depression and OCD and likes the house to be a certain way. I try to help him clean and stuff but it just seems like everytime I try I always stuff it up somehow. It seems like he only want to talk to me to correct me, punish me or tell me to do something. Ive just started receding to my room and I dont feel like talking to anyone. I feel so stupid and dont know what to do with myself. I feel like no one likes me. Everyone seems so happy when Im not there. I just want to join in with them and have fun and play but Im scared and feel like Ill stuff it up.

Now it seems like all I have to do is eat and throw it up. I feel so embarasses and ashamed and dont know how to tell anyone. I just want to be happy and make other people happy too. But I cant.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program