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I Dont Know How I Got Here

by Amanda

I've just had my 17th birthday, and I've never felt lower in my life. I've always hated my body ever since I was a little girl when I was a little chubby. The "chubby years" ended quickly, but the vision of the chubby little girl never went away. I went through a slight period of anorexia in the summer and then soon turned to purging. I usually never binge, I just tend to purge at the end of the day to get rid of the food i have eaten. I feel so lost and I dont know what to do. I feel as if the purging is the only way i can let all of my emotions out. I'm in desperate need to tell someone what is happening to me, but i'm too scared of their reactions. I know my friends wont take me seriously and just brush it off because awhile ago, a friend of ours told us she wasnt eating just to get attention. I'm also deathly afraid of my parents finding out because i know it will crush them inside. I've only had this problem for a few months but it has gotten gradually worse. I've gone from purging a few times a week to several times a day. i told myself i was quitting and today was the first day i havent purged in so long and it's been so hard. I dont know what to do. I feel like im talking about another person that isnt me, because this is so unlike me. I just want to be my old self again. I feel like purging is the only way to get all of the sadness and frustration out. If anyone has any tips for me, I would really appreciate it.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
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