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I constantly think about food, even when I'm full!

I am going to admit something that I have not really ever told anyone. I am addicted to splenda. I was anorexic for a 5 years. During that time, I drank absurd amounts of tea and coffee just so I could be ingesting something. To give it more flavor, I would add splenda, no mild. But to compensate for no milk, I started adding a lot of splenda. And then I began addimg more and more and more because it had no calories. About 2 years ago, my anorexia shifted to bulimia. It became uncontrollable. My addiction to splenda never decreased. Its such a "free," perfect solution to sugar because I can have so much of it without getting fat. But the problem is, I can't live without it now. I put so much of it in my coffee and tea, even on cereal. I feel like I can't function without it. Its so scary because I know it is filled with bad chemicals that are harmful, and considering the amount of it that I eat everyday, I know I will probably be very unhealthy when I get old. Does anyone else suffer from that problem too?

Also, I have been on a slow road to recovery, and no one really knows about my problem. I prefer not to tell people. I am living in Korea for 4 months, studying abroad, and am living with my friend who is super skinny. I am trying so hard to eat like she does, when she does, what she does, but still, even when I am full, I am constantly obsessing, thinking about food. How do I stop constantly thinking about it? I know, tuning into my hunger signals is something I am always told, but I am in tune with them, the issue is to override my obsessive thoughts of always wanting to eat something.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program