i cant stop.
Ive been bulimic ( its so hard me for me to even type that, I'm still in denial) since I was 13 so 10 years now. Its started when I was in year 8 and I stopped for maybe a year or so a couple of years back, but now im worse then ever. I hate the lifestyle I lead being bulimic. I become obsessed with the food im about to eat, manic in a way, I go into overdrive, moving super fast, not even tasting what im eating. I become disorganised and fluster. I spend so much money on chocolates, ice cream, chips and bakery food. I end up hating myself afterwards. Every time I tell myself this will be the last time, but it never is. I haven't really ever asked for help in the past but denied I've had a problem to my family and always thought I could help myself. Obviously I can't, because 10 years later im still doing it. Right now im looking up therapist numbers in my local area and I'm ready to beat it. Im ready to live a normal life and not have to rush home from work, or friends house after diner, to vomit. I sick of spending half my day obsessed and frantic on being able to vomit. It becomes all consuming and is all I think about. I want control back and I want my mind to be stronger and be able to say NO, its not who I am anymore. I desperately want to beat this, every day I try to stop and cant seem to.
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