I can't stand the weight gain in bulimia recovery!
I am 23 days in recovery with one small slip up on the 16th day, and some of the days I feel great, but some days like this one are a nightmare...
I keep gaining crazy amounts of weight, I cannot stand that. I have gained a lot of weight during recovery last time, then when I relapsed. And when I started recovery this time I was already at my prebulimia weight, when I was not dieting at all. I have gained 6 kg and keep on gaining, some of the days I have really bad indigestion and I always binge after I weigh myself. My boyfriend wanted to take away the scales, but we made a deal that I will try to have a normal relationship with it, but I just can't.
I am so desperate right now. I am crying and I am thinking that it would be so much easier just to go back to bulimia. I am going crazy! When will things start to get better? I just cannot stand that!
23 days - that is fantastic - I want you right now to give yourself a massive grin and congratulate yourself!!! It's something that's so easy to forget to do!
I know the weight gain that sometimes happens can be tough... BUT, it's something that you have to push through... It's just part of the journey... Remember Ji - the difficulties of recovery won't last forever... Tell yourself...
"TEMPORARY DISCOMFORT FOR PERMANENT GAIN!"
Everyone will gain/lose different amounts during recovery. Eventually your weight will stabilize and normalize. It'll most likely go back to a stage in your life when you weren't bulimic and you weren't dieting. Your natural weight...
Please, please, please... If you binge after each time you weigh yourself - throw away the scale! It isn't helping anything - it is only making you gain weight which is making your recovery more difficult. Allow your boyfriend to take that scale and throw it out the window! Go drown it! Bash it to pieces - make a ceremony out of it! A big 'F**K you' to the numbers! A big 'you will not rule my life for one more day!' Is it really worth letting a number hinder your potential bulimia-free life!?
6 kg's isn't that much weight if you think about it... Between 3-4 kg's is probably fluid... So that only leaves about 2kg's after that. For bulimia recovery - that is a small trade in! Plus, once you have ended the binges, I'd expect that you would stabilize... And in the future, once your metabolism has recovered, you could even lose it... BUT, try not to focus on the weight... In the scheme of things - in the scheme of a happy life... It simply isn't important!
Remember to keep being kind to yourself... To keep congratulating yourself... To keep working on that self-love and self-respect.
Remember to put one foot in front of the other, play it day by day, hour by hour - and you can't help but get to your destination :)