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I can't live like this any longer

by Sofia

Hello Shaye.
I am 16 years old and I've been bulimic for almost a year now. I can't explain to you how sad and bad I feel about my self. I feel so ashamed I can't even explain how hard it is for me to write about my problem. I can't believe I ended up like this. I just wish I could be happy. I have a beautiful family and amazing friends. The thing I want the most is to be able to enjoy life, but I can't. I'm trapped. I feel so alone and depressed. I try to help my self but I just fail and fail. I can't live like this any longer. I feel like I'm going to die any time.
I have been worry about my weight since I was 10 years old. I have always had an obsession to be thin. I have been in diets since then trying to be thiner and thiner. Last summer I was eating basically nothing. I ended up weighting about X lb. I was happy with that weight. On those months in with I ate so little I would just throw up a couple a days a week. I never though it would get out of my hands. I have no control of it now. I throw up every single day of my life now. I hate food so much. It makes me feel so bad about my self I need to get it out of me that second. I just want to be thin, completely thin. And it is so stupid because I binge all the time and that won't make me thinner. But i just can't stop. I try to stop eating many times but then I find my self starving and binge and purge once again. I don't know what to do. The only thing I know is I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. I wish everything would be perfect, but it is not. Everything is horrible. Im sure every single person reading this understand the feeling I have inside. Don't all of you keep asking yourself "why me?" Im trapped in my own body and my own mind. I feel so alone I can't even explain how depressed I am. I wish everybody with this terrible problem the best luck I know you guys will get better, and I wish I will too.
I just want you to know Shaye, you are an amazing person which I admire a lot. I wish I could meet you and talk to you I know that would make me feel much better.
I will appreciate if you have anything to say to me
Thank you all and good luck <3

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program