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I begin to lose control all over again.

by Thuy Hoang
(Ha Noi, Viet Nam)

Hi,my name is T, im from VietNam, it's a part of Asia if youre may wondering. Im a bulimic for nearly 4 years now.It all started when i was in grade 9. After grade 8's summer, I had gained a lot of weight, I ate with the same amount of food as i had always have but I guess at a certain age your body will stop getting taller and start getting fatter.But i was not worried much about my weight or how i looked until one day my friends called me T THE FATTY and my family members kept talking about how fat i was at the time. I was sad, I missed those days when I could eat whatever I like whenever I like without getting fat. I never cared about the size of my jeans, or the gap between my thighs or how chubby my cheeks are. They were never the problems. But then, They were things that I concerned most about. I hate being called Fat, I hate being called A Pig, then I started to hate FOOD. I restricted my calories, I skiped meals, pretending I was already fulled all the time. I lost weight dramatically, I was happy. As a result, I was sick and weak. After sometimes, when I could not take any strict diet plans any more, i craved for food, for everything that I did not allow me to eat in a long time, and i ate uncontrollably. I felt guilty, i was afraid that i would get back all the fat after every binge eating, so I purged. That went on for years, on and off. Sometimes i want to die because of bulimia. I eat all day, then i purge all day too. I eat Whatever i can put my hands on. I google to find ways to stop this disoders, i have already tried ton of methods, but i fail everytime. When i said This disoder was on and off for me, i mean, I don't binge and purge 365 days a year, it happens 2 weeks per month and depends much on my emotions and even the weather. I had been doing well for 4 months until last month, bulimia came back and knocked me down again. I would like for some truly advice and someone to share my story my feelings with. Hope all of the people on this world will get through bulimia and to be more open about their story!

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