I am so ashamed of myself..
I have always since I can remember used food as a comfort, but the past few months my binges have intesified and I ate more food than anyone would think humanly possible! For example: 10 muffins, 5 packets of crisps, an entire cake, a tub of ice cream, 2 or 3 burgers, a whole plate of chips, several chocolate bars. Even things I dont even like, for example mars bars. I hate them but I will eat over 8 large ones in amongst a binge. I will eat virtually anything unhealthy. Even frozen foods that I can't wait to defrost, or food that has been lying on the side for hours. I feel disgusted with myself. And I'm not sick that often, or rarely straight after I eat, so I have gained about 7 kg over the past 3 months.
I feel like my main concern is losing the weight and although im desperate to recover, I just want to be back to my slim weight more than anything. but the harder I try to eat healthy and lose weight, the more I want to binge. Regardless of how desperately I want to lose this weight, I still binge and I cant understand why. I beat myself up so badly.
I just want to go back to when I wasn't constantly preoccupied by food and was able to eat without ever feeling the urge to binge. Alcohol is also a big problem, I even down my drinks, finding it impossible to sip them, therefore getting extremely drunk and always eat a lot of junk food afterwards and the next day. This never used to be a problem.
How can I regain my composure and self-control and lose the weight whilst losing these compulsive eating habits?? xx
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.