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i am sick

by tracy gillette
(wethersfeild ct united states)

I am sick,
Sick of this lifestyle
I am weak,
But with this weakness I find strength
I am cold,
And in this coldness I need warmth
I am hungry
But with this hunger I feel full.

I am loved
But with this love I feel hatred
I am hurt
Although I'm hurt I feel no pain
I have success
But my successfulness is failure
I am sad
Yet in this sadness I find joy.

I am angry,
But with this anger I feel calm
I am brave
But with this braveness I am scared
I am satisfied
But satisfaction is not fulfillment
I am free
But in my freedom, I am bound.

I am blinded
but through this blindfold I can see
I am in control
but this control is controlling me.
I am in denial
but denying it helps me to admit...
I am small,
but in this smallness, I see fat

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The Bulimia Recovery Program