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I am recovering finally and this is the hardest thing i have ever done actually being honest about it

by samantha
(staten island, ny )

Hi, I have been bulimic since i was 17, i was threatened to be sent away - I am 5ft and was at X lbs.... I stopped for awhile but I would constantly fall off my recovery..... I am now 24 going on 25 and still have a serious problem with throwing up.... I would lie to people that i don't do it but i still would and would only be hurting myself..... This bulimia bloating is really killing me. Every day when i eat my stomach expands so badly i feel like im 6 months pregnant and it makes me want to purge again... I talk to my friends but i feel people don't really understand who has not gone through what we are and that it's a long recovery process... I threw up over a week ago all weekend and now, my stomach hurts and feels so hard and full every time after I eat... I know this is the beginning it will get better. We have to keep telling ourselves that if we throw up again we start back at square one. I work out everyday and diet and still would feel like I'm not thin enough... This is a disease but we can beat this demon.. I know i can recover and not alone with all the pain and bloating that I'm going through thinking - I look preggos... we are not alone girls we have each other to talk to we can help one another!!!!!!! I just feel every time i eat i want to run to the bathroom and through up but then once i do i want to eat again and i eat bad food.... when i eat bad and cheat off my diet i feel like i did the wrong thing and feel like purging is the way to feel better about myself.... ill never forget i purged so bad once i felt my glands swell so bad it scared the crap out of me but then again weeks later i relapse.... i feel right now posting this and posting maybe every week will help me continue on this recovery process and that I'm not alone people are fighting this as I am every single day of my life.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program