I am making changes
I was a member of this program and Shaye has help me. With over 14 yrs of anorexic and bulima. It's been a secret my whole life. When growing up i was a very emotional and restricted eater. I was bullyed through school. And through some family. I was called names and had very low self esteem. No boyfriends. Had friends but only ones who would call me names behind my back. Although i was an athlete, i was overweight.
I started going to the gym at 18. I worked out everyday for an hr or 2. I really liked this guy. But I thought he would be interested in me if I lost more weight. So then it became of an obssesion. I kept a journal and would right mean things about myself which was a way to motivate me to eat very little work out harder the next day. I also weighted myself 5-6 times a day and journaled what I eat. I couldn't keep my anorexica up for very long. I then found how I could still keep the weight off by binging on everything in sight and purgeing. I went from X down to X. I wanted to find a way to keep me happy.
That's when i discovered alcohol. Well I would do my binges but in order for me to stop and pass out I would turn to alcohol. Were I drank felt happy and fell asleep. Then a year later I turn to friends who were involved in drugs and partying. So I was balancing all of the above.. I maxed out my visas. I went from good credit to bad credit where I had collecting agencies calling me 5-6 times a day. Calling my work demanding money etc... It was a nightmare.
at 27, I had to end this. So I woke up. Said this is it I am done doing this to myself. I banished my partying lifestyle. Turned to the gym and this time I was going to turn to the fitness experts. I learnt the proper way to lose weight and stay fit. I was doing this for awhile. Then a few months later I started my bulima habits again. I could tell you stories. lying, almost losing my job, being depressed, bingeing and puking before, during work and after. I had no money because i would spend it on my binges
I drank about 8-10 liters of soda pop to help me puke up my food easier. If I didn't have pop I wouldn't make a puke mission.
when my boyfriend was asleep, I would take a trip to the store and purchase my bingeing foods. I would use the second bathroom which i ate in there and puke everything up. Ice cream, milks and pop, were the foods I would like to buy because it would bring up all my food easier. I hated feeling like this after. No one had any idea what I've been up to. No one ask me or came forward. I didn't care about my teeth, or what was going on inside my body. All I cared about was stuffing my face with all these foods I would never eat.
I went on a cruise and I plugged the toilet system because of the food I puked up. So when they fixed that I used the bathroom sink instead. I was in my glory because the food was all inclusive, this is only some of the sneaky ways I used to hide my bulima episodes. There's over 14 yrs worth of stories.
There were times I said I am taking a shower but it was to puke instead because I felt full, bloated and guilty.
Now only 4 months of being clean but not fully clean I still have slip ups but the small amount of foods. i was only puking because I felt sickly full and bloated before bed and felt gulty because i never made it to the gym. I also needed to release,
Why I wrote this was to help you get through this too,
I now have over $12,000 worth of dental surgery this year. This week, My tooth is getting abstracted and going through another root canel in the same day. I have to get the same fillings done what I spent $3,000 on from 3 yrs ago, I have to get 6 crowns on my front teeth. From all the acids wearing enamel down. Ill eventually have to get crowns and bridges on my teeth were I got my root canels done. I've been to the dentist so much that it feels like I could work on someone else's teeth.
I went to my doctor I just got my blood work done for my levels. As to why I am feeling fatigue. I am taking a step forward to get my life back in order thanks to Shaye's program. I really hope my story will reach out to people and show them that there not alone. I feel good at caring more about my health.
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.