How it began.
Hi, my name is Silver and I've been bulimic since about 2 years now.
It all started when i began putting on a lot of weight around 15 years old.
I was very depressed and i just started to want to eat AALLL the time. Food was just soooo goood. (Ive always been a big eater since i was a kid) Although i never was really overweight when i was younger.
But that changed later on. Ive never been very thin, always some meat on me (without being Fat). But then as i started to binge so much, i put on a lot of weight very quickly and it just made me even more unhappy. So i just comforted myself with more food LOL!
So that is kind of how it started: I would sometimes eat soo much i felt sick afterwards, and had to vomit a bit. I even put the tooth brush down my throat to feel better. And i did feel relieved and much better in the tummy :/ . Now i guess i just gradually started vomiting more and more for a while.
I was so unhappy, that i decided i had to leave my surroundings and needed a complete change! So i decided to go to china to learn KungFU and change my body mind an soul. (Always was a sporty person, and still am)
The only thing is that, when i went there my urge and desires for food didn't vanish at all. But i got in shape and fit along with a lot of eating and purging.
It's strange that it developed to it's "full" when i was there.
When i came back i continued and continued. Along with the sports. And i remember feeling very weak sometimes because i never watched my food intake and i almost feinted a couple of times.
I lost like Xkgs in a year! (from my heaviest: Xkg to my lightest: Xkg) im about Xkg now
never have i been thin like this before.
Today, i don't binge as much as i used to, although i have my days :/ ....
And in the past 8 months i started having anxiety attacks(i got paralyzed and all cramped up) and weird stuff happening to my heart at times (or is it just my anxiety?) , lots of "self" Fear and especially
DEEP DEEP HEAVY SADNESS.
That is the one that i find hard to "cure" and deal with at times. I try to "put it aside" because when i just let it be, i feel like it affects my heart.
i mean i can feel a burning sensation in my chest!
Do any of you have this as well? How to i deal with it??
anyways i'm getting closer and closer to recovery ( a step at a time)
I can now eat without having to purge everything, I watch what i eat when i keep it in, lots of good healthy tasty stuff.
But i still sometimes have trouble with binges....
Anyhow VOILA, that kinda sums it up...
KISSES AND LOVE AND COURAGE TO YOU, MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!!
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