How is your life now after bulimia - in regards to food
I'm looking for more inspiration to start recovery and stick to it, I was wondering how, now after your years of bulimia and recovery, your "normal" day looks like, do you still eat 3 small meals a day and 3 snacks or do you find you don't need to control so much anymore?
And do you still have some days where you allow yourself to binge? (like just pigging out with the girls, etc?) and how do you deal with it?
Basically, whats life like now?
Those are such good questions- which I've never thought to touch on before!
My normal day... Wow, how it has changed!
My eating is no longer rigid and structured... I pretty much eat when I feel like eating and stop when I've had enough. I try to listen to my body - to figure out what it wants, what I'm craving and when I've had enough...
For example... Yesterday... I gazed into the pantry at breakfast... What did I feel like? nothing took my fancy... So, honoring my health until I knew what I felt like, I had some fruit and a muesli bar... Enough energy to buy me time until I knew what it was that I was craving...
I felt slight signs of hunger in my tummy at 11 - but still there was nothing I felt like... So I decided to go to the shops to investigate further...
Chocolate... No. Subway... No. Sushi... No.
I was getting frustrated... What was I craving!?
Then, it clicked... A-ha! Vietnamese Chicken from this restaurant 10 mins from my house... SO, I persuaded my boyfriend to come on a 'lunch-meeting' with me and off we went... The servings there are massive - something I would never have allowed myself to eat back in my restricting days (unless I was going to purge) but now, I chowed it down because it was what I wanted and was craving... YUM!It hit the nail on the head and my craving was gone!
Because the meal was so big, I didn't get hungry again until that evening... Although I did have an orange and a pear in the afternoon. At 8.00pm I decided to have a roll with marmite and cheese. Followed by a cup of ice cream.
And that was my day yesterday! I know some people might be gasping at how 'un-healthy' my day seemed - rolls, cheese, ice cream, etc... But, the great thing about my life now is that when I have a day like that, I have no self-judgement about it. I listen to my body - and every now and then it busts out random cravings and I listen to it.
I don't follow structured eating anymore because I am not tempted to restrict or binge... I have discovered how to listen to my body - to figure out how to nourish it with healthy foods - but to honor my taste buds at the same time! I can honestly say that no foods are 'illegal' for me - but at the same time, I don't eat low-nutrition foods often, simply because I don't feel like them that often...
It's quite strange really - had somebody told me they were like that 5 years ago - I would have thought they were a liar.. or just telling themselves that to make themselves feel better... I genuinely did not believe that a healthy relationship with food was possible.... But now I want to tell you - I want to promise you - That it is!
Do I still have binges...
Definitely not by my old standards of a binge! Which was upwards of 10,000 calories quite often! Now, from time to time, I do 'over-eat' but there is no harsh self-judgment that goes with it... It simply is... And the thing is, it balances its self out... If you overeat one day, your body will naturally crave less over the following days (this is scientifically proven) and is definitely the case with me...
For example... 3 weekends ago I went away for 2 nights with my boyfriend and his family to do the Tongariro Alpine Crossing... It felt like we were eating the whole weekend... Long car trips made more interesting with yummy foods... No kitchen so eating out at restaurants for breakfast, lunch and dinner... and just general social eating much of the time! By the end of the weekend I felt very full... Over the next 3 days - I ate much less than usual... It wasn't a conscious decision... My body just didn't need the energy sources. Then it stabilized and I was back to normal...
Our bodies truly are amazing - we don't give them nearly enough credit or trust!
I hope this little snippet into my life helps :)
Keep taking your little positive steps towards recovery! They all add up!