How do i overcome feeling ok in my own skin

by Dani
(Syd)

I have had bulimia since i was about 18 , on and off.

I only really realized it in November last year when i decided to admit myself to a rehab clinic for 3 weeks.

The thing is is that no one even noticed cos im not thin and i guess im not what people would call 'fat' but to me i am massive and can hide it when i write down everything i eat and when i purge after meals.

So i am 28 now and 2 weeks ago i had something amazing happen. I didn't think about food in a negative way once, i didn't count my calories or take laxatives or even purge or binge. I felt light and happy and this all happened even after i had the worst week ever.

I told my therpaist and she said it was cos i was being upfront and honest with people and telling them when they crossed the line - basically not keeping things inside.

Thing is, now its come back but why? And where does it come from?

Why now do i think that even the smallest thing will make me fat and its so hard to push myself to allow me to go out and socialize.

I know other people feel the same, so this is why im releasing it all on here and hope you don't think im mad.

How does a person with Bulimia actually lose weight if they know that it will help their mind frame and confidence BUT when the last thing your meant to do is calorie counts or over exercise.

To have had that free feeling 2 weeks was like the best time ever and i would trade so much to have it back.


All answers are welcome:)

ps please ignore any pictures- i have no idea what i attached.