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How did I get here? This can't be me

by Louise
(wa )

I'm in my mid thirties and I have 4 children. I stay home and my life is all about my kids. I have no motivation to clean because just like me it will still be here tomorrow. I'm almost X lb heavier then I was before having my fourth child. I'm so embarrassed I barely leave the house or car and social interactions of any kind are awkward and embarrassing. I eat okay during the day sometimes a barely eat during the day, But at night it begins I just eat and eat and eat even when I'm so sick and feel like barfing I just keep eating.I hate myself for this self destroying behavior I weigh X lb and I can hardly walk a short distance without pain in my hips and lower back. I used to be an Athlete and a competitor and now I'm pathetic. I don't know why I binge and I would do anything to get some control over my life. I feel like I'm a waste of space, I feel unhappy and sad all the time I just want to be able to play and have fun doing activities people of normal weight do. I want to go somewhere and for once not spend the whole time thinking about how fat and hideous and uncomfortable I feel. HELP I'm drowning in this life and I cant seem to ever change. Please no more binging it's killing me. How did I get here? I can't believe this is the person I have become. Why cant I change

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program