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How can I help my wife beat bulimia?

by David

I've been married for 13 years to my wife, and I've known about her bulimia for about 11 of those years, but she constantly re-assured me that she was "getting better." i.e. not throwing up very much, anymore, going for weeks or even months without throwing up.

The wake up call...just yesterday, i realized something was wrong, she denied that she was throwing up, said she hadn't done it for a couple weeks. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, so I pressured her to talk to me by just sitting was a painful discovery, she was lying. She admitted she was lying because she hates the way it makes me feel when she tells me she has had an "incident." Up until this point, I was trusting her because I believed we had a relationship built on open communication. It was like a car hit me.

I want to help, I believed she was getting better, but, now, my beliefs have been shaken to the core and I'm about to have a meltdown. I am now suspicious that she has been lying the whole time. I don't trust anything she tells me anymore. To be married and not trust your wife...that's the predicament I'm in...and it is painful...too painful sometimes.

I caught myself last night ceasing to care, out of frustration and pain, pain of realizing that I'm going to lose my wife and there's nothing that I can do. If you've ever quit something you've loved, you'll know how i felt. I know my pain will go away, but, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my wife sooner rather than later if she doesn't get real, life-changing help.

I'm beyond desperate.

What can I do to help her or encourage her to get help that will last for the rest of her life?


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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program