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here goes........

by Amanda
(uk)

Hi, i cant believe im actually writing this! I have never told a living sole about this before but things need to change.
It all started when i was 13, my best friend and i decided to go on a diet. I lost weight quickly but started binging on junk foods and throwing up mostly at weekends. When i got to around 15 my best friend got put into hospital for bulimia and other problems. I stopped making myself sick out of fear she would tell (she didnt) i just didnt eat very much. At 17 i was underweight, i collapsed one day and ended up in hospital. I dont know how but i lied my way out of it. My family were still suspicious so i had to eat and gained weight. But the throwing up started again, still only occasionally at first. By the time i was 25 i was throwing up almost daily. Then found out i was pregnant, i was able to stop during the pregnancy. I think having bad morning sickness actually helped. After my daughter was born i lost the weight quickly and was mostly ok for about 3 years. Then my step father died, things started to fall apart and i was struggling to cope. I started binge eating in secret and was drinking quite alot. I put on quite a bit of weight but was still average for my height. I was petrified of getting too big so the throwing up started again, and gradually got worse and worse and thats where im at today. Im 32 now and im binging and throwing up around 3 or 4 times a day. Im terrified that im ruining my daughters childhood. Im so bad tempered all the time, dont go anywhere except work (part time) my face is so swollen, i have spots, i have rings around my eyes, my sinuses are a mess, i am almost constantly dizzy. Thats just some of the symptoms im having. But in a weird way i still feel that its not that bad and i can change by myself. I dont know what to think anymore. Anyway, sorry for blabbering on. Amanda xx

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


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