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Helpless and Addicted to the Vicious cycle of Bulimia...

by Julia

When I was a junior in high school I had my wisdom teeth removed and couldn't eat for 3 weeks due to complications. I had lost 15 pounds off my 135 5'9 frame and for once in my life I loved the way I looked. From that point on for about 8 months I was anorexic, eating and drinking the bare minimum in front of my family until my mother freaked out on me and made me see a doctor. The doctor sucked, and told me I had to eat and asked me if the reason why I didn't eat was because I was abused or my boyfriend told me I was fat. The reason why I didn't eat was simply because I liked the way I looked and it made me more confident in my own skin. Well I continued to see a few different doctors and I gave up anorexia because it was causing to much drama and my mother was driving me crazy over it. I went to college and year and a half later and I lived in a quad with crazy roommates, and one roommate in particular was super insecure about her self and slept around to try to make it better for her. she used to whine about how she looked and her weight and how fat she was but she was the same size as me. I began to think the same was after hearing her call herself fat everyday. One day we ate wayyy too much at our cafeteria and she was like "I gotta throw up" and I was like "Ewwww that's gross!" But I followed her into the bathroom and she showed me how she did it and I saw how her belly went down, and so I tried it. It was really hard the first time but it was disgustingly satisfying. Ever since that fall of freshman year, I've been binging and throwing up ever since. I am now in my last semester of college three years later and I am still throwing up. I starve myself, binge, throw up, repeat. I's a vicious cycle, and its like a sick addiction. I hate it so much and I waste so much time and money, but yet I can't stop. I can't tell my family because they will be heart broken, and I don't know how to tell my boyfriend who loves me and thinks I'm perfect in every way. After every time I promise myself that I'll never do it again, but I get hungry 5 to six hours later and I binge and throw up again... Where do I start?

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program