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HELP :( I am at the bottom.

by Stacey
(Atlanta, GA)

Hi my name is Angela. I'm all alone and never confided in anyone in my life about this (only to support groups online) and I'm so so scared :( I can't get out of the binging and purging cycle even though everything I read about this horrible disease and the fact that it is destroying my body makes sense. What is wrong with me? I'm freaking out because nothing is working and I'm at my lowest! I feel like this year I've wasted more money than ever on food and I'm at rock bottom. I've had this disease now for 25 years and it's so pathetic I've let it go this long. I'm so scared. I go through a cycle each day...get up in the AM and spend half the day in the bathroom from the laxitives, then I am so sick all day I can't eat and have no appetite. Then I try to eat a sensible meal in the PM and then lose control and it starts all over again....I can't stop eating and then purge, take more laxitives, go to bed and wake up and do it all over again. It's a nasty cycle I can't get out of and I almost feel like life isn't even worth living anymore because it's a sad existence :(
I need help...BAD!

Thanks for listening :)

Shaye Says

Hi Stacy,

I promise you, life is worth living! You never know what is around the corner - and it could very well be recovery! There was a stage in my life that I felt completely hopeless from bulimia... Little did I know that within 2 years I would be fully healed!

Stacy, I'll be honest, I think online help can help many people with bulimia recover... And, I think it could help you too... But, because your case is severe and you are having thoughts about your life not being worth living... I think you would find even greater benefit from seeing somebody in person. If this is not an option, I understand, but a good therapist can go a long way so I thought I'd suggest it. There's nothing to be ashamed about... Trust me... anything you tell a therapist, they would have heard things a million times more crazy!

I think the first step in your recovery would be to try and cut right back on the laxatives. This will help give you a little more energy in the beginning of your day to start making changes and to start eating small meals. The key to recovering from bulimia really is giving yourself permission to eat... 3 meals and 3 snacks a day... Only then will your body register that it doesn't need to slam you with these massive binge urges anymore.

I know it's hard Stacy - but even though you've had bulimia for 25 years... There is absolutely no reason why you can't recover! you can beat this - and once you do life is going to be so freaking awesome!

Keep in touch.

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The Bulimia Recovery Program