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Help! Been Bingeing and Purging all Day!

by Christina
(Cleveland, OH, USA)

Sorrow behind my smile....

Sorrow behind my smile....

Let's see... today I ate a moderately sized ice cream sundae with fudge and raspberry sauce, half a container of chocolate cake frosting, half of a cheese danish cake for like, 8 people, beef stew out of a can, and more, but can't remember. I purged once, and then I went right back to eating! I will eat stuff out of the can! I have a food addiction and I think it's killing me!...

I will hide food in my room. And sadly, me not having a car at the moment is saving my life, because when I do, I drive to several fast food places and binge and then have a massive excruciating purge! My boyfriend wonders where I disappear for a few hours!

Right now, I have a pounding, pulsing headache and feel really dizzy... I'm really nauseous. I made sure not to keep anything down. I also feel chills.

I've been struggling with "mia" since I was 18. Now I'm 22... and think I'M FAT!! I am: X lbs. my measurements are X-X-X..My thighs I think are huge at X inches. I wear size X to X!! Yet how do I still think I'm fat? Everyone says I look wonderful..

The real problem is... I can't stop thinking about food! It's so tasty and comforting! All day I'll be hungry and try to devise ways to binge and purge in private. But want to lose about 30lbs... and I know it's not healthy... But it's taking over my life...

I go to this "ideal weight calculator" and it says that at my height, 5'5, I look the best at 122 lbs.. and its killing me! I weigh 130....

I have no willpower to do the "frequent small meals" thing... and because of my daily bingeing and purging, plus insomnia at night, I have absolutely no energy to work out or concentrate on anything like looking for a job. I've been out of medical assisting school since early December...

...Up to this point.. I'm like a zombie.. I stay up all night... don't even have the energy to go up to the TV and change the channel...then eventually fall asleep for like 14 hours, then wake up only to binge and purge.... and be too tired to even care about my personal appearance or anything for that matter.

Help!!! I'm crying and don't know what to do...Plus I have no medical insurance to go to a doctor...and I want to get better, but still want to lose weight in a healthier way.. I want my life back!!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


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