Heck yeah I'm sick of binge eating! Time to take control of my life!
I didn't always have such a bad relationship with food. Growing up, I was a normal, active kid, and raised by loving parents. ...And then BAM, the last year before I was set to graduate college and move on to grad school, I got hit with a really bad case of anorexia. I wasn't even aware it was anorexia at the time. It was just "oh, come on, x more lbs to lose! Don't eat that! Don't eat this!!" It wasn't until an annual checkup with my normal ob/gyn that I realized that I was facing some serious physical consequences, and that perhaps, I had a problem.
And so, I decided to let go, stop depriving myself, and eat.
...But no, that's not the happy ending, because I never actually confronted the underlying issues and feelings of anxiety (graduating and moving on = scary stuff. Or, I didn't find it scary, but I certainly didn't gave it due thought, which I really should've, instead of just fixating on food).
And so, I ended up becoming a binge eater. It got better by the time my spring final exams rolled around, I lost the weight I gained in a healthy manner, back down to my normal, pre-all-this-horrible-mess, and I ended up my undergrad years with a bang.
But again, I didn't actually confront the underlying feelings. So, in between grad school and undergrad, I ... started bingeing. Again. And it got REALLY bad.
And the cycle repeated itself about 2~3 times in the past year.
But now, you know what? As 2012 draws to a close, I'm finally recognizing and confronting those underlying feelings of "woah, my life is really moving ahead and I better focus on that and address those real life stressors instead of fixating on food!" Yeah, I relapsed a bit this week, but instead of being crushed with guilt, I'm finding that ... hey, it's okay. And I can tell that I'm (very slowly) going back on the road of recovery, since now I'm more focused on exercising, cooking my meals, TALKING TO FRIENDS about things and having a support system.
But most of all? Enjoying LIFE and being myself.
Recovery won't be easy, but I'm looking forward to it. GOOD LUCK and MUCH LOVE to everyone else here too. You're not alone in this, you're all wonderful people, and deserve nothing but the best.
So let's do this!!
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