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Heart of the Bulimic

by Sophie Morison
(Spokane Wa US)

I've never been an open person, but bulimia made me even more closed...

It all started one day when I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I was too fat. I was then nine or ten. So began to lose weight healthy way. Well actually not so healthy. I would eat a lot less then I used to. I didn't eat any candy's or chocolate. And exercised A LOT (even when i had periods!

Years passed, I fell in love with a boy. Anyways to make long story short, he met a really skinny, preaty, girl and started dating her. He was a very close friend to my brother thus he was always around me with his girlfriend. I felt horible. I thought he didn't like me because i wasn't skiny enough (even thought i was X pounds). That's when i begin to binge eat. At that time I didn't know about bulimia AT ALL. In fact the first time I noticed i'm not the only one suffering from this was two years ago.

I started gaining weight, and after another binge I felt like a balloon and just when to the bathroom and threw everything up. It just felt like a right thing to do. After that I started to binge and purge every day, 10-20 times a day.

I'm not gonna tell all the details but now after four years of being bulimic, I told my mom and my sister. But i don't think they understand it fully. They don't know i've been having it for four years or that it's so serious that many times i wanted to kill myself, or even that I still have it many times a day!!! I guess i just made it sound like I'm not doing it anymore.

Anyways, now i'm binge eating and purging not because i don't think i'm pretty enough. NO, I actually love myself (except for the fact that i'm bulimic) but now it's like an addiction. Like an everyday routine. I just can't stop.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program