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Guilt and Shame- bulimia a boring existence

by Monica
(Canada)

I have come across this site numerous times on my road to recovery, however I think I have been in denial about my bulimia until now.

I have decided to share my story because I have had enough of bulimia, the secrecy and guilt!

I have been bulimic for 7 years. My boyfriend (of 3 yrs) came home last night and said he wanted to break up because I have been so moody and taking it out on him and he has finally had enough.
Its the bulimia and the constant hiding of binges and purges coupled with my own guilt which is pushing my boyfriend (love of my life) away.

I have tried so many times to stop but as soon as "bad" food is around me I lose control

Bulimia has obviously served a purpose in my life, that is when I feel down I distract myself by eating huge amounts of food and then spend so much time in the "shower".

It is affecting my moods and my relationships with friends and family

Negative affects bulimia:
-time consuming
-money consuming
-become moody and irrational
-get headaches
-feel a lot of guilt'
-constantly thinking ahead ie) where can I purge
its exhausting boring existence where the main pleasure I get is consuming high fat and sugar food

I am at the very beginning of my road to recovery and I know it will be a long challenging one- I just hope I don't give up when temptations arise.

I guess the main time I b/p is when I have the house to myself- but this is such a huge waste of my time- I will need to think of some strategies for how to distract myself from b/p when home alone- any suggestions?? and also how to cope when I am feeling down or a bit overwhelmed ?

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program