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Getting my life back from bulimia, you can get yours back too!

(New York, USA)

I was an anorexic bulimic for about a year. About 3 months ago I decided that I wanted to create a better path for myself. I wanted to eat normally and stop binging and purging. It was extremely hard for me at first. There were days when I would eat perfectly normal and healthy throughout the day and then by dinner time, I would be eating everything at the table and purging it up after everyone had left. Those nights made me feel horrible. I would feel like a failure. I hated feeling like that and I hated even more the cycle that I had created... So, I decided to take an extra step.

I made myself a food journal. I wrote down everything I ate and drank. Because I didn't want to take in too many calories from liquids, I drank mainly water. I wrote down calories, grams of fat and saturated fats, carbohydrates, sugars, fiber, protein, etc. I literally wrote down everything that was written on the nutritional label. By the end of my first day, I realized that I didnt even eat X calories! I was happy with myself because I didn't purge anything that day nor did I feel like I was going to gain weight since I didn't eat too many calories to begin with. This continued for about a month. Sometimes, I would go 3 days without binging and purging with was fantastic for me since I would binge and purge like 6x's a day. I used to never let anything digest.

Eventually, I stopped using my journal because I felt confident enough that I didn't need it. I found that I was even happier when I didn't count my calories! I felt content and happy, but still, there were days when I would purge. By this time, I had stopped binging but would still purge at some times but, it would only happen like 2x's a week. This continued for about another month...

Almost 2 months ago I decided to create something that I call a smile calender. It's a regular calender (months and days). I decided that every time I went an entire day without binging and/or purging, I would put a smiley face on that day. The first week had 4 smiles which meant that I had purged 3 times that week. Second week had about five smiles. Now, my calender is filled with smiles. I haven't binged or purged in 5 weeks!! That's 35 smiles for me!

I feel like this smile calender was the best idea that I had. Everyday, I would wake up determined to put a smile on that day right before I went to bed. I didn't want to turn towards bulimia ever again. I just wanted smiles in my future. I didn't talk to a therapist ever about my problem nor have I ever told anyone that I was bulimic. I do talk to my boyfriend of 3 years about my feelings like food and weight but I have never told him the full story and he doesn't know about my bulimia problem. I think talking about your feelings is a great way to make you feel better as well.

Another thing is that after digesting everything I've eaten for the past 5 weeks, I did not become fat or overweight. I actually just came back fro a camping trip of 3 days and had so much food like chips, chocolate, cakes, lots of candy, bagels with cream cheese/butter, smores, etc and I did not gain loads of weight. About 3 months ago, I weighed X pounds... I now weight... X pounds and I am 5'2". I still wear a size X in jeans. I look great and feel great! Most of the weight that I gained was water weight! Stay positive guys and remember, being skinny is not as wonderful as feeling great!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program