gaining 4 kg's in 4 days of bulimia recovery - why?
Hey, darling! How are you?
I am afraid I'm back with my questions. And this is a stupid one I know but it really stresses me out.
After all the on and off in recovery I have gained a lot of weight, I guess I should not blame my body it is only trying to survive. Anyway, when I started more seriously again just a few days ago, I was already a few kilograms over my normal pre-bulimia weight when I was not dieting. So I had 1 ok, then 1 b/p and then 3 good days ( I am very happy about it, I am going to fight and pray for more) I have gained 4 kgs for 4 days! And i find this really shocking, I know that i eat a little more than I am probably supposed to, but 4kgs for 4 days that is crazy.
Another question I have about eating. I told you I started feeling hungry and satisfied again. So, now I am relying on them. But I crave specific foods during the day a lot. I eat every 3-4 hours, not because I have to, but because my body tells me to do so. And sometimes I crave fruit, sometimes salad, or meat or chocolate. In the end of the day i find out that i was eating in a balanced, maybe just a little extra chocolate, although I feel and I know that I am eating more than I need. In the evening I have this feeling physically. I was wondering why my body has such intense cravings and why it asks for more than it needs. And should I keep eating like that till I stop feeling that way? I know those are not emotional cravings, I recognize them coz when I have emotional craving I just want to binge on anything, not to enjoy food in normal portions and they are more intense, that is what I am fighting with. But I am so Confused now.
Although I am shocked about the weight gain and that I am heavier than ever for me recovery is much, much, much more important now. So I keep fighting.
Have a great weekend!
Oh my goodness - I know the terror you are going through right now! I think my story of the first few months of my bulimia recovery will help you...
So, I was on day 4 of my binge and purge free life... I was feeling SO bloated and fat... But, I kept reminding myself that recovery was the most important goal in my life... So, I persisted. I was excited though, because even though i was feeling yuk physically, being binge/purge free was amazing!!!
That was, until i stepped onto the scale...
Utter shock set in... I had gained 5 kg's in 4 days! My whole body went cold and I felt physically sick. All these thoughts of massive weight gain, a kg for every day - srated plaguing my head! How on earth could this be happening, I asked myself. I was stunned.
Thank God I persevered. I decided to push that scale reading from the back of my head and focus on my health and recovery...
That was one of the best decision I've ever made...
Now, in hindsight, I can see that there is no way you can gain 5 kg's of fat in 4 days... Neither can you gain 4 kg's or 3 kg's... Maybe, you could gain 1 or 2 - but even then you'de need to be eating a heck of a lot!
The reading on the scale was not extra fat that i had gained... it was a number of things... which I am sure is the same for you... i'll go over them below...
1) Water retention... Most bulimics are very dehydrated... So, as soon as we begin holding in food and liquid, our bodies go into a frenzy, hydrating themselves as much as possible! Think about it... Our bodies are around 75% water when we're hydrated... If we are extremely dehydrated, say this drops to 65%... Hydrating yoruself by an extra 10% could add many kg's onto your weight.... And this is one of the major causes of 'weight gain' in recovering bulimcis
2) Delayed stomach emptying... This is extremely common amongst bulimics... It basically means that your foos sits in yoru body for a lot longer before you pass it out... This extra food has weight - which when you weight yourself, shows up. Once your metabolism and digestive system start to work more naturally, this weight will drop off.
3) of course, a little bit of yoru added weight could be body fat - but I guarantee you it'll be a much, much smaller amount than the two factors above!
Needless to say Ji, once my body settled and I began to digest normally, I dropped two kg's making my total weight gain during my recovery only 3kg's. My healthy, natural weight. It's the best trade I ever madfe - 3kg's for bulimia recovery... any day!
Remember... weight is just a number.. It measures everything that's going on inside your body - including 'healing' - so try not to get too distressed about it :)
I hope this little snpippet of info helps!