from one extreme to the other
by too embarrassed
in year 10 one of my really good friends hurt me emotionally. she made up rumours about me and before i knew it i had lost my frinedship group. this was the time i was put on the pill because i was an 'athlete' and never really got my period. before the fight i was sick of my weight - Xkg - and started to 'eat healthy' and lose weight. i became obsessed. i did excessive exercise and would hardly eat anything. i got to Xkg. i was not 'anorexic' but i was not far from it, i was underweight. year 11 was really hard for me. i was really stressed, felt all alone and developed anxiety aswell as an eating disorder. i fought all the time with my mum who had no idea what to do. at first i didnt want to, but i did see the school counsellor but she just made things worse. she said i was 'not normal'. mum wanted me to see my doctor who i am glad to say helped me get through/still getting through my hard patches. towards the end of year 11 things started to get better and i got to a healthier weight at Xkg - i am apporx 170cm tall btw. during the summer holidays i gained 2kg and then realised that it was ok to have sweets. i started to have more and more. and then found myself liking what i was eating especially because i had deprived myself for so long. it all happened really quickly but i weigh Xkg now. i binge eat and it gets really bad and i want to stop but i dont know how. my family knows so they have stopped buying so much junk food but i just go to the supermarket and hide food in my room and eat in secret. or i go to mcdonalds or i go into my brothers room to eat the sweets he is hiding from me. i hate my weight this way. i feel disgusting. i eat until i feel sick and continue after i feel sick. i feel like everyone is staring and want to look like i did last year and fit into the same clothes i did last year. i dont want to fight with my mum anymore. i want help.
Hi there gorgeous girl!
I am so sorry for all that you have been through. I just want you to know that it is SO common to fall into binge eating after a period of severe dieting and/or anorexia. Our bodies are designed to be fed and when we deprive them of the food they need - it backfires... Our bodies start to DEMAND the food and we get send binge urges.
My advice would be to trust that your body weight will settle at its natural spot as you recover. Start eating 3 meals and 3 snacks a day to boost your metabolism and to reassure your sub conscious mind that the 'famine' is over. Make a promise to yourself to never diet again... be kind to yourself, love yourself unconditionally. You are worthy of your own love.
Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community