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From fat girl to Prom queen

by Ashleigh
(Portland, Oregon, USA)

I was most ashamed of myself at the age of 14... My step father was abusive and my mother ignored me. My siblings were much younger than I so there were no relationships between us and they were my step fathers children so they came before me in their eyes...

Bulimia didn't make it's ugly appearance until I was 15...

We had moved from our hometown to be closer to family that was a whole other state away. We moved conveniently during the summer so I had time to explore this new city we moved to before I started school.

My cousin and I spent the day riding our bikes around town and everywhere we went I saw beautiful girls who were skinny and perfect. The shame didn't completely set in until I started at my new school. I was the biggest one in my classroom and the only one who dressed like a guy.

After my first day I decided to go on a diet. I counted calories at first and got down to an unhealthy 700 calories a day. Then one day after school I got home and was so extremely hungry I broke down and stuffed my face with whatever I could get my hands on. I felt so sick and my stomach hurt so bad that I ran to the bathroom because I had to throw up. Then, afterwards, I was fine...

I really enjoyed that feeling that I just wolfed down a ton of food and now it was as if it never happened. (thats how the bulimia started) After 8 months in the new city my mom decided that we were going to move back to our old town again, by this time I had lost 60 lbs and I was still dropping.

We moved back during spring break and the day after we got back classes were starting up again. When I walked into my first class my old friends could hardly recognize me and the guys who use to call me names and make fun of my weight couldn't keep their eyes off me. I received so many compliments that day and it helped ease my guilt of my eating disorder, even glorifying it in my eyes...

No one knew I had been suffering from bulimia not even my own parents. At home my mother had heard me once and I told her I wasn't feeling well, after that I had to become more tactful. I would run the shower while I threw up and would pretend to take showers and that didn't last long because someone always "HAD" to be in there to get something. So, I had to compromise and I would use a bucket in the shower with me. After I was done I would dump the bucket and rinse it out and no one would know...

My bulimia was taking over my life.

I've never seeked help for my disorder and have had it for 6 years. I've started quitting on my own but have had several relapses.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
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