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Forced Vomiting: My Secret Addiction...

Forced vomiting is so much easier when nobody is around. That's why when I started dating my teenage crush - Tom - at the age of 17... Things got tricky...

Tom and I spent every spare hour of the day together. When we weren't at school we were in each others arms. We had fallen in love big time.

I was crazy about him... and he added a much needed element of excitement to my life.

Despite this - I still couldn't beat bulimia. I would binge and purge at every given opportunity. To make things worse Tom thought it was so cool that I could stay thin - but eat like a dude... Little did he know!

I managed to hide my bingeing and forced vomiting from him for over 3 years...

But, there were many close calls...

 

Throwing Up off Tom's Deck...

One night, after a party and massive feast at Tom's house - I was feeling desperate. I needed to throw up... But, there were people in the house and the toilet door didn't have a lock. Vomiting inside was just too risky.

So, I snuck into Tom's room and silently opened the French doors onto his deck. It was pitch black outside and it felt safe to throw up...

I lent over the deck and threw up what seemed like buckets of food into the bushes. Once I was done, I wiped my mouth and walked back to the party as if nothing had happened.

I had got away with it... Or so I thought!

A few days later Tom and I were sitting on his deck when he said he could smell something disgusting. I didn't think much of it until he said it smelt like puke.

My body froze and I could feel my heart pounding heavily in my chest. I tried to act casual and change the subject... But it was too late...

Tom was already walking around the base of the deck and looking in the bushes.

'Oh gawd... here goes' I thought!

Then he came back up and sat down next to me...

'Did you throw up in the bushes?' he asked with a confused look on his face...

The world went fuzzy and my mind was going a million hours searching for a story to justify what he'd found...

'Yes' I eventually said. 'But, I'm SO embarrassed about it. Please don't tell anyone... I just can't handle wine and got so drunk after drinking a few glasses at your party the other night!'

Tom laughed and gave me a hug... He told me I was silly and should have told him I was drunk and feeling sick!

Somehow, Tom had fallen for my story.

Needless to say - that was the last time I ever threw up off his deck!

 

3 years Later - When Tom Truly Discovered My Forced Vomiting...

Many years had passed since the vomiting off the deck episode... My bulimia had gone from bad to worse.

By the time I was 20 years old I was vomiting after eating over 15 times a day...

My heart was weakening, my teeth were decaying and bulimia was killing me...

I knew I couldn't keep up the act of 'healthy and happy Shaye' for much longer... And I was right...

One winters day after university, Tom asked me about my bulimia...

'Shaye, do you sometimes throw up after you eat?'

I knew it was time to tell the truth...

 

Talking About my Bulimia Sped Up My Recovery...

bulimia
Now my relationship with Tom
is stronger than ever!

I had tried recovering from bulimia hundreds of times... But I had always failed.

It was only when I opened up about my illness to Tom and my counselor that things began to change...

Slowly, but surely the shame I felt about being bulimic began to break down. I realized that despite my bingeing and forced vomiting - I was a good person.

I was worthy of my respect.

Once I learnt to love and respect myself again... I began to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel of bulimia.

I have now been healthy, happy and bulimia free for nearly 5 years. Life is wonderful!

 

Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


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