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First Big Step....Hopefully!!

by Eimear

Hi my name is Eimear and I've been bulimic for a few months now. I'm 22 and I don't know who I am anymore. I can't really pinpoint the exact reason why I started binging and purging. I was always overweight and when I entered uni I was at my heaviest but I was coming out of my shell. I met my boyfriend then when he was on exchange (he's Japanese). We were a year apart and I started a huge health/fitness regime; restrictive/calorie-control diet and I loved my morning gym time! I lost Xlbs and headed to Japan for my exchange year. But there I faced severe isolation because of my diet; I felt that I couldn't go to meetings at night and I didn't have any friends apart from my landlord's family(Irish-Japanese) and my boyfriend.I started binging and purging maybe twice a month in Japan. When I came home it got worse.My classmate made friends in Japan and their language levels were better than mine. I felt stupid for the first time and switched courses despite my lecturer saying I was ok and just needed a bit more revision. Since August I've on-and-off days of binging/purging (particularly when I'm at my family home) and I think I've depression; I think about my mortality and how it's all going to end. I cry all the time and I'm scared that I've damaged my health now too. I'm in my final year of uni with no plans at all....I'm lost but I want to get better and find myself again. I've only told my mam but I feel I'm breaking her heart....I just want to be able to eat, exercise, learn and laugh like I use to. I want to believe again and hopefully this message will be my first real step to recovery.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program