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finding a cure for my solution.

by kaitlyn
(texas)

Hi my name is kaitlyn I'm 16 years old and I suffer from bulimia for about 4 months, I've been suffering from ED for about 6 years. So I'll begin from when I was little. I've always been fat my whole life. When little though you never really understand what people say to you, and what everything means. So when I was little I did realize I was bigger than other people my age it just wasn't on the top of my mind. But even at age of 9 my mom would make comments and try to make me exercise more by putting me in the ymca sport teams. I have an older brother that would make fun of me again when I was little I didn't understand some things, it hurt at first but then it would graze over me. As I came to the sixth grade I started to understand that I was overweight and fat. even the dr. Said so I know he just wants you healthy but it all adds up over time. So in 6th gade that's when I tried my first diet, my mom was completly supportive. My whole family was . To give you some background on my oblivious family my mom is over weight herself, she would always fully support my weight loss, she would make comments about cloths id wear like "your thighs are getting bigger" "are you going to wear that" long list but you get the picture. My brother of course we fight but when we did my weight would always be brought in the picture. My grandma and grandpa well let's just say I can't get through one full conversation without it turning into "stay away from breads ice cream..." I don't have a dad never met him. So sixth grade started a first normal diet eating healthier, than I started to hear about diet pills, my mom was totaly supportive she would get anything for me to do with weight loss anything. I tried hcg diet you have to be 18 cause of all the side effects but at age 13 here I was popping pills every morning, I've tried so many different diet pills I'm pretty sure I'll have kidney failure. I'm smart im not oblivious when it comes to knowing the trauma I put my body through. Its just I would do anything to be skinny and feel normal.so by 9th grade I was just eating healthier and exercising. Then I didn't see any change in weight or appearance or how my family treats me. And when I lose weight I feel like they are so happy about it. Its like a praise for me. I tried this diet in 9th grade where you only consume X calories per day. I found that it was kind of working I exercised every single day and calculated how many calories I burned to match how many I ate to quicken the process. Then I found out over time cut back calories more exercise equals more weight loss. I always do research on food and how to burn more calories. My life was starting to evolve around the universe of food. Food always on my mind calories. I never thought I was crazy cause everybody wanted me to lose weight everyone was happy I was looking at calories and losing weight. My grandma even once said to me in some of our many conversations I know all to well "its okay to even skip a meal here and there" well granny making you proud. I would skip meals now I was anorexic for the summer of 9th going to 10th grade I would run every morning everynight I would eat a protein bar a day or nothing. I would take phentermine a pill used to trick your body to saying your not hungry. Which is over the counter which my mom happily got for me. I got a boyfriend that summer and things were good got my mind off of things for a while fell in "love" lost my virginity no regrets though that's another story. But I gained lots of weight back. Then he broke up with me and that's when I noticed all the weight I've gained. I started back up on starving. That next summer my mom brought to my attention one day her plan to get me liposuction. I'm only 16 at the time let me remind you. I of course willing to do anything to lose weight was very excited. I mean what fat person wouldn't be excited to have fat sucked out of you? I thought she was kidding at first but then she got me a dr that would preform it month later here I am recovering from liposuction of my thigh area. I was happy I've never have seen my thighs that small! Everybody liked my new thighs. Then I started to think I can't gain anything back and started to really count how many calories I ate and everything. When I ate too much id have this person in my head that would continuosly bother me about my weight and guilt so one day I tried induicing vomit. I couldn't do it I was scared. Then I ate too much again this time the person in my head wouldn't shut up and I just had to throw up I felt so much better after that. Over time the weights just been flying off exercising 5 times a week eating one meal a day throwing up if I go over calories intake I wanted. I've lost X pounds now from my lipo surgery that was in august. I'm almost at my goal weight. I've noticed that food took over my life, now I feel depressed I know I need help but I'm afraid my mom won't believe me and won't pay for one cause "their so exxpensive" everyone in this world is oblivious they don't understand that a single word can add up over time . If someone called me fat it wouldn't make me cry on the outside it would just become another build up of the monster inside me. I have so much more to this story but I've hit the highlights and main points.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


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