Finally Ready to Recover
This rose reminds me of hope.
I've always seen bulimia as my own sweet little coping mechanism. When I feel fat, I binge and purge. When I'm depressed, I binge and purge. The cycle is all too real for me.
It all started about 7 months ago when I harmlessly set out to lose some weight. I'd gained a few pounds over summer and wanted to slim down a bit. Next thing I knew, I was leaning over the bathroom toilet purging up junk food and feeling like the filthiest fattest failure alive.
It didn't stop there. I kept binging and purging, binging and purging. I kept losing and gaining the same 15 pounds over and over. I lost my period. I became depressed and I withdrew from family and friends. Of course, the REAL reason I became bulimic wasn't for weight loss, it was because of the emotional distress I felt due to my family falling apart. My mom didn't suspect anything, and my brother didn't care. I felt alone and forgotten, not even worth being worried about.
I used to be healthy. I have never been fat. I used to eat fruits and vegetables. I used to love running and dancing, being with friends, music, popcorn, cooking, etc... but my eating disorder has taken over my life. I hate it with burning passion. I have nicknamed bulimia "The hopeless disease."
And now, after 7 months, I'm finally ready to recover. I'm done with this. This is the first step I'm taking to kick this thing once and for all. Very soon, I will have the courage to tell someone. I'm finally ready to recover.
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