FED UP WITH FOOD
my little guy
Hi..Im lindsay. I have been a binge eater for five years. I eat nothing all day until i got home. Then I stuff my face until i couldnt fit anything else in. My parents always noticed my eating and how i never gained any weight. I always finish my meals before everyone so i excuse myself from the table and go to "take a shower." I throw up everything i eat until there is nothing left to throw up. Then continue on wash my hair etc. and get out. No one noticed. After everyone would go to sleep i would go back down to the kitchen and eat sweets, chocolates, anything i could find. and i throw it all up again. I am working on getting better but im still bulimic. I stay away from salad dressing, yogurt, milk, orange juice, bread, cheese, fried foods, fast foods, chinese food, nachos, salsa, sour cream, nuts( walnuts, cashews etc), gummy snacks, etc etc. My restrictive diet started when i first started my bulimia course. I stay away from these foods because as gross as it sounds..they make throwing up terrible. they burn my nose face, throat, everything. the taste in my mouth is horrid. What got me started thinking about getting help is my mothers boyfriend came into my room one night after i had purged in the shower. he broke down right infront of me. Then it hit me..I left the shower drainer off. My heart stopped and i began to cry. He asked me why i was doing this. and i had no reply. I watched a grown man break down and cry infront of me. this man never cries either. he told my mother and father what happened. i was embarrassed to even walk around my house. Just yesterday, my now 7 year old brother caught me. I was walking out of the bathroom after a "shower." and he was waiting by the door. he asked me if i was sick and i was confused i wasnt sure what he really meant. he began to tell me he heard me throwing up in the bathroom and how daddy told him i was sick and needed to get help. he asked me if i did it on purpose..i broke down and cried. i didnt know how to explain it to him..so i didnt. i know i need help after that because he follows in my footsteps. he stopped drinking juice because i did. and drinks water now because i do. he started saying he needs to eat healthier because he thinks hes too chubby. he heard me say that. (P.S. he is a little chubby but its all baby fat) i dont want this destructive, hateful behavior to rubb off on him. hes my little man, hes my everything. what if i end up in a hospital?? what will i say? or what if im dead? what is daddy gunna tell him? like hated herself? I need help. Would you want your life to end like this? or see your family or children see you like this? everytime you throw up imagine they are there watching you..its scary and sad. i can only hope to be a better role model to my younger brother. hes my everything.
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