I am a thirty six year old wife and mother. I am so ashamed that bulimia has been part of my life for so long. I began at a very young age, I don't remember exactly, but I think I was 11 or 12. I thought everyone looked great except me. My self esteem has always drug the bottom. I keep thinking I cannot recover...I am 36 and have had over two decades of trying to stop and failing. When I would go in to a therapist, I always thought what do they really think of me???
I've homeschooled my kiddos for 11 years. My oldest if finishing his last year of high school in our local public school. My youngest is still at home for school. I'm also a private tutor. I love what I do, and have been successful, but feel like everyone would hate me if they knew the "real me".
My husband knows I struggle, but doesn't know to what extent. I feel so ashamed. I battle anxiety, too....a lot of which is brought on by my eating struggles.
I hide food, binge on it, tell my kids one thing (what's healthy) and do the opposite. My blood sugar is crazy. I *know* what I should eat, and that it isn't healthy to binge...but I do it anyway. I scarf food when I'm alone in the car or at home. Then I have to binge..the whole time saying, tomorrow is it. no more binging. It's a vicious cycle that I want to break. My heart hurts and I want to be free of this.
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