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Eating raw meat

by Alex clark
(essex england)

I've always felt so fat compared to all of my friends - they all have such lovely figures and i always felt the obese and out of shape girl in the corner. It goes back 4 years ago when i got with my first ever boyfriend who was the first love of my life i was his door mat though his ex girlfriend was beautiful and had an amazing figure, i no he was cheating on me with her so that's when i decided to take things to the extreme and make my self sick. i was doing this for a few months and my weight dropped. this made me fell good because of all of out friends i was coming across were commenting telling me how good i looked, things went on and turned sour i stopped eating and turned to drugs filling my blood with anything that would take the pain away of knowing that Daniel was cheating on me in the end he finished with me and i had to return to my mums in essex where things went from bad to worse.

Not only was i still throwing up my food i was on the heavyist of drugs injecting herion in to my veins smoking crack pipes sniffing cocain..... i could be here all day drinking heavily aswell hurting the people around me but not careing as i ws blocking out my own pain.

i would lie to my closest of friends and tell them i was doing fine not wanting my one best friend to find out what i was really doing the same with my parents only my dad could see straight through me but my mum was so naive to it all things went on and to cut a long story short my bulimia has become totally out of control and is taking over everything i do...

im in a very good job now and trying to get my life on track im just so tired all the time. I'm trying to get on with things but i have this eating away at my body i look in the mirror every day and when i have looked big i have eaten raw chicken and other things because i think that if i do this and get food poisoning it will only last a while and at the end of it i will be slimmer.

the thing that hurts the most is i lie to people saying ill get help when deep down im so so scared of getting help because it scares me to my wits of becoming fat. i know im killing my self and i really dont want to hurt any one but i know i am and im really truly sorry for the people that are worried about me but im out of control now, im seeking help but to tell the truth im not doing it for my self im doing it for the people im hurting because i just want to make my loved ones proud.

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