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Eating Disorder story

by Jenifer
(California)

Around age 14 I started getting peer pressure , I was taller than most of my friends so I weighed more than most of them. I would look at my body and feel so ashamed. All my friends had small waist and small thighs. I had big hips and some tummy starting. I joined sports to "lose weight" it didn't help since muscle started to appear. I felt manly. During summer of 8th to 9th grade I made it a goal to lose weight. I felt that maybe this way I would feel beautiful. It started like any other diet eating less fats and only healthy foods. I ended up limiting myself to X calories a day. I lost a lot of weight in very few time . I spent from X exercising. My body would always be so tired . My family started to notice a change and had serious talks with me. My family would force me to eat, this made me want to throw up everything I ate. I was losing weight but my reflection on the mirror told me otherwise. I felt like I was getting fatter and fatter. You see before my eating disorder started I weighed X pounds with the height of 5'4 I was overweight when I started , by the end I came to weigh X pounds I felt really good about myself and started eating healthier, little by little I started gaining weight , I didn't like this one bit so it started again . my parents thought I was okay so I was able to hide my eating habits I would binge after every meal , sometimes I would just chew my food. my parents didn't notice. It was a Saturday morning when I got caught and recieved a lecture , all the screams made me feel dizzy I couldn't stand straight and next thing you know I'm on the floor. My parents would call me anorexic , I didn't feel skinny enough to be considered that but It would get to me. I began self harming..I didn't tell anyone my issues , at school I was that nonstop laughing girl,no one expected me to have self harming or ed problems. one day my best friend looks at my wrist and I break down and tell her everything she tells me I need help and I ignore her completely, I was offended actually. That night I went home and didn't even eat anything for a couple days and lost x pound only. I was sad at my results and self harmed. I found beauty in everyone except for me. I even had suicidal thoughts. When I was younger people would call me "fat giraffe" since I was tall and chubby. These words would run threw my mind constantly I became depressed. during December of my freshman year A guy came into my life and made me feel so beautiful , I felt great about myself and I was happy, he understood what I was going through and didn't leave me. I'm a soft-more right now and I wont say I haven't had thoughts because I'm still recovering but I have gotten better I'm at a healthy weight and feel good (:' I felt like no one understood what I was going through. My thoughts of this are completely different now, I now know that there are many like me fighting a daily challenge. Stay strong my friends c: You are not alone<3

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program