Did you have problems with "structured eating?"
I have had many treatments for my bulimia...enough to write a book. I know exactly what I should eat, 3 meals and 3 snacks. The amount of protein, fat, etc. And yet, every time I attempt to follow it, I end up binging/purging. It doesn't matter how hard I try. I can eat oatmeal with milk, fruit and yogurt. Smoothie. Eggs and toast. I still fail right from the first meal of the day. I'm not underweight by any means. Normal range. I know it's psychological. But after 13 years, I don't know full and freak out after any food in my stomach. I am relieved to get it out. So I go all out and just say "screw it." What can I do? What should I do? I'm drowning and feel like the shore is miles away.
I am SO sorry it's taken me this long to get back to you - I have been working avidly on The Bulimia Recovery program
and haven't had any time until now!
The answer to your question... Yes, I had massive problems with structured eating at first. Bulimia was so ingrained in my brain that I had to push it out one tiny step at a time...
When I first started structured eating, I had aimed at just holding my food down for longer... To at least try get used to the feeling of having food in my tummy - and hopefully for my tummy to get used to digesting again - even if just a little. At first I could only handle 30 minutes! After a while of trying, I started managing an hour... and so it got better and better... After a few months, I could go the whole day without purging - but would always slip up in the evening... But in time, even this got better... Until I finally had my first day free from bingeing and purging! It was an entire year of persevering before I considered myself bulimia free... it was hard work and consistently taking action was difficult - but keeping your eyes on the prize (a bulimia free life full of love, travel and happiness) helps!
Whenever you feel like you are drowning, remind yourself that if you keep taking one stroke at a time - you will eventually get to the shore :)
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