I have been bulimic for just under 2 years, I think. Its on and off, it started when I decided I wanted to lose weight. I wasn't even big, but i did it and thought it was great at first... didn't think I had a problem at all.. even through I was restricting what I ate so much so.. some days I'd just eat a few pieces of fruit and feel guilty if I ate much more. This was then followed by periods/weeks of binging and purging and inevitably gaining weight... quickly. I just seem to flick between these two phases and am so worried that its just going to start becoming normal.. I already can relate to so many other peoples stories I have read, and their habits seem so familiar to my own.... stuffing my face when I'm not even hungry and my tummy actually hurts its so full.. the food doesn't even taste nice anymore, I'm just eating it for the sake if it. I'll practically be crawling upstairs, turn the taps on so no one can hear, and force my self to be sick...Its horrible and so strenuous... Each time after I swear i wont do it again.. and for a while maybe I wont....then either a few days later... or sometimes longer... after I've felt like starving myself was the only way to make up for my binging blip... I cave, indulge and do it all over again.. I am really worried that I'm going to get in to a habit and wake up ten years down the line and its taken over my life.. I cant imagine telling anyone I know about this and don't think I would, I have too much pride, but dont know how to snap out of it... I can't figure out why I do it... It makes me feel like crap the instant I start binge eating... the thought that I'll have to make myself throw up seems mad to me but I'm just mindlessly eating and the urge to get the food out is so strong afterwards.. I can't let this take over my life.
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