Dear Shaye, I am a recovering bulimic.. (or I thought I was)
.. and I actually thought I had fully recovered. And then it hit me again completely left-fielded. Is that the right way of saying that in English? I was happy, healthy, enjoying my life abroad, finding things to do and to work on the things I am passionate about. A love (I thought) came in my life and things were all wonderful. Until the guy appeared not to be the one I thought he was and after I left he acted as if I had been a vague acquaintance, and him telling me he had not been in love. His behavior made me feel worthless and invaluable (thank you for those words Diana!), and the only way to comfort myself is to fill up my stomach. Again and again.
I thought I had passed that stage. Was more connected with myself, with life. Took better care of myself. More loving. Now it is like I am ending up in quicksand, slowly sinking away. I don't want to go any deeper then I was six months ago. For a long time I could not anymore fully remember the feelings I have now. My ribs hurt, my stomach hurts, I am full and yet ready again to eat more. Saying tomorrow will be better. Inshallah.
So obviously I have not fully recovered yet. Ok. There is work to do. I enjoyed the journey immensely the first six months, it was as if everything was new. Literally smelling the roses, bright colours, life in its full glory! How do I connect back to those feelings and those senses? What makes you connect to life? (and please don't tell me it is being with your boyfriend :)!)
I know that when I am connected with life things flow. And work for me. Literally for me. The difficult part is to connect, the rest follows. What makes you connect?
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