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Dear Mum,

by Charlotte
(Perth, Australia)

Dear Mum,

I'm sorry that I'm not brave enough to say this to your face. I'm sorry that I even have to write this letter. I wish things were different. Don't worry I'm not pregnant, I haven't eloped, and I haven't bought a kitten.

I know every girl struggles with self image insecurities but I honestly think mine are getting a little out of hand. Remember that time I came into the theater room and in hysterics because I had ruined my "healthy eating plan." I listed all the foods I'd binged on. I wasn't crying because I ate all that food. I was crying because I couldn't vomit it back up.

For about 3 years now I have been binging and purging. At first it was because I wanted to lose weight and I did. Then I put it back on. I have now learnt that making yourself throw up doesn't make you lose weight, it makes you gain. (I wish I knew this 3 years earlier.) But now that I know this I still can't stop.

Things are slowly getting worse. I do it at least twice a day or over 5 times when I'm home alone. I sometimes do it in public toilets or at other peoples houses. I know how bad it is for me physically but every time I try to give it up I fail and drop another level lower. I don't think I can stop this without professional help.

Please don't be sad or angry with me, or think I'm stupid or going through a phase. I wouldn't tell you about this unless I thought that I really needed help. This can't be solved with complements or a healthy eating and exercise plan. I want to nip this in the but before it gets any worse, which I honestly think will.

I love you lots,

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program