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Daddy, Help Me

by Melissa
(United States)

Dad, I love you, and I don't want to disappoint you anymore than I already have in my life, but I need to tell you something, and I need your help. I've been struggling with Bulimia for about six months, ever since I moved out. I have progressed into it pretty far, in the last four months alone I have lost about 50 pounds. This all started because I feel I have a lack of control on my life. I used to cope with this feeling by cutting, but you found out and sent me to a recovery program for it. I relapsed several times into it, but I realized that I needed a new way to cope that wouldn't be so easily detected by you. I transitioned into a mild case of anorexia. Remember all those times I told you I wasn't hungry because I ate at a friend's house earlier, or I had a really big lunch. It wasn't true. I couldn't control everything, but I COULD control the amount of food I was taking in and the way I looked... Eventually, I missed food. I missed being able to allow myself to eat chocolate, and mashed potatoes, and bread with butter... I finally snapped. I ate it all. The first month that I was on my own, you gave me $200 for food. The money that was supposed to last me a month only lasted for 2 days. I was just so very hungry. After my two day binge, I looked in the mirror and was so disgusted with myself that I actually broke my mirror because I couldn't look at myself without wanting to scream and yell, and just beat myself up. I was so mad at myself for breaking the one piece of control I had over my life, that I felt ill. I couldn't make the feeling go away, eventually I just got sick of feeling sick, and I did it. The thing I had only heard about in horrible stories of sick girls, I forced myself to vomit. I started doing it all the time. It was my new control. IT escalated quickly and I'm now at the point of vomiting at least x times a day. I NEED help! I'm now the sick girl in the horrible story, and I'm scared... It's scarier in real life. Please, I need help, support, and most of all: I need to know you love me and will be there for me through this.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program